Wednesday, 21 March 2012

The good ship Lib Dem lurches beneath the waves...

HMS ship-of-the-line Liberal Democrat Hopes has been holed on a number of occasions, almost always on account of its stout attempts to defend Admiral Dave's flagship The Coalition from serious damage.

One thinks of the Battle of Tuition Fees Bay, where the Liberal Democrat Hopes change tack 180 degrees and heaved itself bravely across the path of Coalition giving priceless protective cover from enemy fire. The damage from that encounter was considerable but Liberal Democrat Hopes stayed afloat and seemingly still under the control of Lieutenant Clegg, its flawed but once-promising First Officer.

Before that there was the volley of defensive cover that the ship fired, allowing Coalition to launch its gunboat Too far Too fast with devastating effect on an unsuspecting economy.

There have been a number of skirmishes since, in many of which the selfless sacrifices of the Liberal Democrat Hopes have been vital to keeping The Coalition afloat.

This week has seen some decisive action that threatens to sink the valiant vessel at last. The first serious damage, and it is below the water line, comes from Tuesday's all out volley on the good ship the NHS Bill. The rebel Labour crew had battled through a series of bloody encounters to sink the poisonous Bill. Many times it seemed that emissaries from Labour were close to subverting the crew of the Liberal Democrat Hopes to support their efforts, but each time the officers of the Liberal Democrat Hopes have succeeded in whipping their recalcitrant crew into line.

Yesterday they were given one last chance to sink the NHS Bill with an effort being made by Labour to release the sealed orders governing its passage and revealing the risks to life and limb of staying on the chosen course. They failed to grasp the chance: there were of course the usual wavering speeches and wringing of hands and voices from the back whispering "we're agin' it". But, when the crew cast its vote, they stayed faithful to their flagship and cast in their lot with the commanders of The Coalition. Thanks to the intervention of the Liberal Democrat Hopes the NHS Bill sailed safely into port with its cargo of cutters and a full complement of privatisers.

Today Liberal Democrat Hope limps into the Battle of the Budget, seriously damaged and with all hands bailing as fast and as furiously as they can, but still defiant in its stubborn defence of the flagship Coalition. It seems that promises from Admiral Dave and Commander Gideon on an increase in pay and rations of the cabin boys and lower deck hands has been bartered in favour of the Liberal Democrat Hopes' flying the flag for the abolition of the ten bob tax, which The Coalition sees as an odious imposition on rich people.

Will they do it? Will Lieutenant Clegg sail his ship through the choppy waters of Tory Canyon to sail to the rescue of plutocrats and oligarchs and wallpaper millionaires? The betting is that they will. But at what cost?

Can Liberal Democrat Hopes recover from the damage it is inflicting upon itself, its officers and its crew in defence of the indefensible? Is the battle worth the injury? Or will today's encounter be the final salvo, the valedictory, for the brave but ultimately suicidal crew of Liberal Democrat Hopes?

P.S. (or should that be P.B. for Post Budget?)...  the ship's rats ratted.... predicable but sad. What now for any of the LibDem crew who still have a residue of backbone...??


  1. tuition fees
    defence cuts
    nhs privitisation

    i thought these were all labour proposals.

    sweep............kettle meet pot

  2. Labour aren't in Government - the Lib Dems are.

    Excellent piece, and sums up the demise of the Lib Dems. I am certain that come the next General Election, the Lib Dems will be reduced to single figures.

    Political suicide is a phrase used often, but never has it seemed so appropriate.

  3. my apologies, labour introduced them and the conservatives wholeheartedly agreed.